Happy Early Birthday and Some Musings...

you know, I think I've started this new post about 5 different times and each time it looked different than the time before - UGH I hate it when I'm distracted to the point of not even being able to put my thoughts down on paper!!!!!

So, it's a cold, wintry Tuesday here in the mid-west. We got about 4 inches of snow overnight and my two boys (and the mom and dad) are LOVING IT! No school for them means being able to play and build snowmen and throw snowballs at each other and possibly, going sledding at a friends house - LOVE IT!

So, why are my thoughts so distracted you may ask - I'm wondering that myself. I've got a lot on my mind right now so I wouldn't even know where to start to try and pin it down to one reason. The past few weeks have brought about a lot of emotions - good and bad - and that has created a definite season of unrest in my spirit.

My dad is on my mind a lot lately. Maybe it's because it's his birthday in the next few weeks and I can never remember how old he's going to be. I hate that about myself. I can remember exactly how old I am and my husband but when trying to remember how old my brothers or parents are supposed to be it's all a mystery. I wonder why that is? Even when I try to do the math something just never adds up right.

Speaking of birthdays, not only will it be my dad's birthday but also my oldest brother's birthday. That's right - he's a birthday baby and to top it off he is my father's firstborn son - can you say "Golden Child" fast enough? Seriously folks, he got all the good looks (dark hair, bright blue eyes, a smile to die for), he's tall, he's athletic all added to the fact that he was born ON my father's birthday - my how the mighty are created! I haven't always had a good place in my heart for this brother - you see "N" was not a nice guy when we were growing up. He absolutely knew and took to heart the role of being the oldest to the point that my middle brother "S" and I didn't like him and he didn't like us. That all changed several years ago - THANK GOD! "N" will be 48 years old this year and that's just so hard to believe. But with age comes some mellowing out and I'm just so thankful that "N" is now I brother that I am so honored to call mine.

I've often sat and wondered why things changed between us and, while I may not be able to pinpoint my reasons for my unrest right now, I CAN pinpoint what occurred to cause "N" and I to draw closer together - divorce. Specifically our brother "S" got divorced and remarried for the 2nd time and the circumstances were not good at all. "N" and his wife (as well as my husband and I) were drawn into this divorce because "S" had 2 children whom we DEARLY loved and did not want to lose any contact with them at all. In trying to maintain open lines of communication between "S" and his ex-wife and ourselves, "N" and I had to actually communicate with one another for the first time as equals instead of "Big Brother" talking to "Little Sister".

It started out rather innocently - "N" called me on a Sunday afternoon on our way home from church. Because of all that was going on in our family at the time I really didn't think anything about the phone call other than he was just giving me some news about my niece and nephew - no big deal. The change was this - he told me he loved me before he hung up and he had never done that before.

He was off the phone before I had a chance to compose myself enough to respond in like manner to him and I was absolutely dumbfounded! I mean, I had spent YEARS trying to get some type of relationship started with this man and NOTHING had ever come of it. I felt doomed to being relegated to "little sister" status my entire life in his eyes - never an equal. I had often envied my mother's relationship with her siblings (all 6 living and her memories of her brother who was deceased) because they just seemed to click and I didn't see that happening with my own siblings. But suddenly, here was this man, whom I had known my entire life, telling me he loved me and opening up like the blossom of a new-born rose and the beauty of it was amazing!

That phone call started something for both of us that day. Suddenly I went from hearing from "N" once in a blue moon to receiving a phone call at least once a week and ALWAYS hearing him tell me he loved me before the phone call ended. A lot has happened in both of our lives since then - I became a mom, he became single himself again, we have a 3-year old nephew from our brother "S" along with the gorgeous 16-year old nephew and beautiful 19-year old niece we already had from "S" and he has a beautiful new woman in his life that makes him happy and allows him to have a right relationship with all of his family. "S" and "N" have made up as well and have become something I never thought would happen for them...friends...and that is like icing on the cake.

So, I guess this post, rambling as it is, is a shout-out to my dad and brother whose birthday occurs in just a few weeks. I love you both so much and I thank God daily for having been privileged enough to have had you in my life. And for the record, my dad will be 77 and "N" will be 48 and yes, I had to use a calculator to figure that out but it's okay - they still love me!